Revamping your life 101.

I'd like to think over the past couple of months, i've made an effort to find myself. Not like those cliched, struggling artists on TV but found a way to get off my ass and do something about the things that pissed me off about my life.

I've always been an optimistic person, class half full and all that jazz, but one day I looked at myself and went, 'Really? Damn girl, wtf?'. I was a mess, but worse than that, I was in denial about being a mess. I'll never be a rational, sensible person. My brain is too scatterbrained for that, and i'll never try to pretend to be someone that i'm not. But there is a clear line between letting the chips fall where they may and letting life slip you by. I was the latter.

So I changed who I was. Not just like that, but there was a small moment where the lightning struck my mishmashed brain and I zoned in on my own ridiculousness. It was time to grow up and get on with it. Now i'm not saying this method will work for everything, but it sure as hell worked for me. I needed a good whack up the side of the head, and thankfully, I was enough of a bitch to my own conscience that I got myself in gear.

The first thing that needed to go was the way I was viewing myself. A positive outlook on life is no use if you can't stand the sight of yourself. I was overweight, that much was clear, but that wasn't the issue, you can be overweight and feel fantastic and I admire those people more than I can say. I felt crap about my body, all the time, and it sucked. Doing something about it was, and probably still is the most liberating thing i've ever done. In 4 months i'm almost done with what I thought I could never do, currently weighing 60kgs (132lbs) with a little still to lose and feeling absolutely fucking fabulous. Feeling good about your body is like letting the sun shine on your skin every second of the day, and i'll never, ever let this feeling go.

I now care what I look like when I walk out the door. I take the time look good and in turn it makes me feel good. I'm wearing things I never would have before. It also made me realise just how confident I thought I was, but that I was lying to myself (very convincingly, I might add).

Then what? I revamped my friends. I ditched the ones bringing me down and cherished the ones who rocked my world, I lavished myself in their company. I socialised. A lot. I was surprised at how much this increased human interaction improved my mood. Even though typically I was an independent and solitary person, the contact with others was a drug, the more I was given, the more I craved it. I used to spend so much time at home, curled up on the couch watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer until I realised that learning how to slay demons would not help me experience the world, meet new people or explore new ways to enjoy life. Now I get up early and get home late and love every second of it.

I cleared out my wardrobe, filled it with bright colours and fun patterns to show off my new found love of everything. I wore a new coloured lipstick every day, I smiled at everyone new I met. My house is now filled with pretty, useless, inspiring objects that make me either laugh spontaneously or remind me of a time where I was happy. Daffodils have made a permanent home on my desk, it now feels empty in their absence.

I like to call myself a work in progress, on the way to being something awesome. I hope I don't get there anytime soon because being on this crazy road is just to much bloody fun. Every day I am finding new things to fill my life with colour and substance, new reasons to look around the corner for the next treasure of this existence. I was to see, smell, taste, hear, feel everything, know all there is to know, do all there is to do. I want to travel to places of grandeur and places that nobody has been. I want see it all and then write it all down. I want, I want, I want.

Hoping this ramble makes sense, because i'm not going back and looking it over. I've got places to be.